Today

Today.
One day.
I can get through it.
I know you're safe.

But I miss you.
I have this overwhelming desire to hold you.
I've watched you change so much since you were born.
You and your brother both were so different in the beginning.
Both so small.
Now I look at you and I'm blown away.
You have rolls on your long legs that weren't there before.
I want to hold you.

The smell of your skin is like a drug.
I never want to let you go.
I'd hold you all day long if I could.
But I can't.
I know you get held plenty at home.
I'm sure you love it too.
I love how your mom looks at you.
She's connected!

But I can't help but think how you look at me.
You study my face.
Its like you're not sure how you know me but you do.
I'm crying now just thinking about it.
You concentrate so hard.
You're only 4 months, so maybe I'm crazy.
Wow FOUR months!
I knew it but didn't even realize.
You're almost 6 months old.
Time has flown.

I want you to know how much I love you.
You and your brother are everything to me.
In the time that I had you I knew I was in love.
But they say sometimes if you love them...
You have to let them go.
Thats what I did.
It was best for you.
You have the best family in the world.
SOOOO many people love you.
You are part of one of the biggest families I know.
Don't ever think you weren't wanted.
Don't ever think I hated you.
I'd stop breathing to keep you alive.

I love you.

Two

Second son.
Not just one.
You, my dear,
Are the second son.
Not below.
Not above.
With all my heart,
Both of you, I love.
Two months,
You've been gone.
Two months.


Two months.
I'm scared to cry.
Scared I won't stop.
I know you are better off.
I know you get whatever you want.
But I go home...
You're not there.
Hard to take in.
Hard to accept.
I've sewn up my heart
So I won't be a wreck.


You're worth every tear.
Worth every scar.
Worth every beat of my broken heart.
All that you do
All you will be
Is part of your mom and dad,
And partly of me.
Forever love you?
I will.
Forever hold you?
I will.
Forever smile through the tears?
Forever be there through the years?
I will.
Never think I won't.
Nothing can keep me from it.
Nothing can keep me...

Two months.
Two.
Two months,
Not wholly,
but without you.
Two months.
I'm coming now.
Two months,
I can't live
Without.