Never Forget

Its official.
You are a Webb.
How does it feel?
From the picture you sure do look happy!
I'm happy for you.
My heart hurts, but thats okay.
It only hurts because it bleeds pure love.
You and your brother are together forever.
Nothing can tear you apart.
Don't let anything come in between you boys.
Ya'll are my everything.

I'm trying not to cry, but I can't help but think about that day in the hospital.
We were packed up and ready to go.
GiGi and Hops had gone downstairs and told me to take you to the nursery so I could shower.
As I held you I couldn't bring myself to move.
I was so scared that someone was going to come and take you away from me.
I was shaking and crying.
Crying so hard I couldn't breathe or see.
I just kept saying...
"No one is going to take you from me, baby.  No one."
I didn't want to lose you.

I still don't want to lose you.
I still want to be around.
I still want to be Mama B.
I still want you to look at me like you did in the hospital; studying my face.
You are part of me.
Nothing can change that.
I can barely go an entire week without coming to see you boys.
And you're so blessed you have a family that will allow that.
Don't ever take them for granted.
They've done so much for all of us.
Thank them everyday.
Always tell them you love them.
Never forget me.
Never forget that you're a gift straight from Heaven.
I love you!

Confused

I don't understand. I'm so confused. Why does he only love one when there's two? I don't want the questions to come but I know they will. The response I will give, I wonder still. He had a choice to make, a bed to lie in. I begged him to be a part but he lied again. We both wanted the best for you so I still come around. I guess for him it hurt too much, so he buried his feet into the ground. He says that's not true and believes its for the best. I say he's given up on you and only cares about himself. I wonder why every day why he won't see you but he'll see Bray. With you he has a choice. And he's made it. I only hope when the end comes he'll be at peace. My prayer is that he'll come around so you can meet your brother. Drew is not a bad guy but he doesn't love another. I love you my son so there is no worry. But please know and understand with him there is no hurry. You have an earthly father who loves you more than words. You have a Heavenly Father who made you in His hands. He'll never give up on you...He's the Daddy that never can. I love you!

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Today

Today.
One day.
I can get through it.
I know you're safe.

But I miss you.
I have this overwhelming desire to hold you.
I've watched you change so much since you were born.
You and your brother both were so different in the beginning.
Both so small.
Now I look at you and I'm blown away.
You have rolls on your long legs that weren't there before.
I want to hold you.

The smell of your skin is like a drug.
I never want to let you go.
I'd hold you all day long if I could.
But I can't.
I know you get held plenty at home.
I'm sure you love it too.
I love how your mom looks at you.
She's connected!

But I can't help but think how you look at me.
You study my face.
Its like you're not sure how you know me but you do.
I'm crying now just thinking about it.
You concentrate so hard.
You're only 4 months, so maybe I'm crazy.
Wow FOUR months!
I knew it but didn't even realize.
You're almost 6 months old.
Time has flown.

I want you to know how much I love you.
You and your brother are everything to me.
In the time that I had you I knew I was in love.
But they say sometimes if you love them...
You have to let them go.
Thats what I did.
It was best for you.
You have the best family in the world.
SOOOO many people love you.
You are part of one of the biggest families I know.
Don't ever think you weren't wanted.
Don't ever think I hated you.
I'd stop breathing to keep you alive.

I love you.

Two

Second son.
Not just one.
You, my dear,
Are the second son.
Not below.
Not above.
With all my heart,
Both of you, I love.
Two months,
You've been gone.
Two months.


Two months.
I'm scared to cry.
Scared I won't stop.
I know you are better off.
I know you get whatever you want.
But I go home...
You're not there.
Hard to take in.
Hard to accept.
I've sewn up my heart
So I won't be a wreck.


You're worth every tear.
Worth every scar.
Worth every beat of my broken heart.
All that you do
All you will be
Is part of your mom and dad,
And partly of me.
Forever love you?
I will.
Forever hold you?
I will.
Forever smile through the tears?
Forever be there through the years?
I will.
Never think I won't.
Nothing can keep me from it.
Nothing can keep me...

Two months.
Two.
Two months,
Not wholly,
but without you.
Two months.
I'm coming now.
Two months,
I can't live
Without.